Statistics reveal the startling rate at which marriages are disintegrating. When I speak with people, a lot of them frequently struggle to identify the exact moment when their relationship ended. I wanted to use this brief opportunity to highlight the areas in which I believe marriages fail, and then try to help us steer clear of these kinds of situations.
When you were standing at the alter with your future husband or wife, you were not thinking, 'I wonder how much my divorce is going to cost?' Isn't that insane? You're thinking about the adventures you'll have...the family you'll grow together, the places you'll visit together.
After a few years, what transpired? What is the reason behind your marriage seemingly disintegrating suddenly? Why does your married life seem to be so boring? The day of the wedding was incredibly joyful and exciting. Why are we prepared to end our marriages after only a few short years together? Where did you all part ways?
I mean, consider it. She was the most incredible thing in the world when you were dating. You were eager to see her. You were his biggest fan, so he could do no wrong. What took place? Did you all stop liking each other all of a sudden? It doesn't seem to work that way to me. It appears like a slow fade to me. None of this happened over night.
Here are a few things that I think cause our marriages to fall apart.
1. Unmet and Unexpressed Expectations
Each of us has expectations for life. Things don't always go the way we think they should. You are aware of what I am discussing. If something doesn't work out the way you had planned, we all imagine and play scenarios through our heads, and we often become quite agitated when things don't turn out the way we had planned or anticipated. Every day, this occurs in marriages. It is unfortunate that both men and women set expectations and fail to express them to each other. We have a tendency to assume that others should know instinctively what we need or want. However, they don't! It is imperative that we engage in open communication, discuss our expectations, and be prepared to adjust our expectations accordingly. Examine this verse: The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23:1
Put Christ at the center of your married life. There is less cause for disagreement when both parties see Jesus as the creator and consummate of their lives. This indicates that rather than pursuing their own goals, BOTH parties are pursuing Jesus. Thus, when an expectation is not fulfilled, we surrender our "rights" to death and prioritize the needs of the other person. There are fewer arguments when we both focus on Him and rest in His Grace. Imagine how our marriages would change just from this.
2. Laziness
Yes, eventually, both sides may become sluggish Just consider the time and effort you invested in impressing your date. You organized your dates with the intention of leaving her speechless and wondering. You clung to her like glue while she was eyeing purses and showed genuine interest. You truly responded to her when she asked, "What do you think?" in a way that indicated your interest in her. When you were dating, ladies and gentlemen, you made an effort to look and smell nice. However, for some reason, neither side seems to be as motivated to keep trying to appear "hot" for the other and instead adopt a lazy attitude. You both tried your hardest to look your best when you were dating, and your marriage needs to reflect that. Take time to invest in your marriage; don't be a lazy spouse.
3. You Stopped Paying Attention.
When you were first dating, you were attentive to your partner's likes and dislikes. If they mentioned something like, "I really liked something," you took note, remembered to buy it later, and then, in a playful way, you surprised them with it. However, at some point you lost interest in what was going on. You deprive someone of their former sense of value when you cease being attentive to details. See how it goes the next time you try to pay attention. Listen to what your spouse says and then do something about it.
4. You Stopped Flirting
You made a special effort to flirt with your spouse when you first met them. You made them feel like the most important person in your life by pursuing them and doing things for them. You stopped flirting at some point during your relationship. Pursuing and flirting with your spouse is always a good idea! Making your spouse feel special and appreciated is always a beneficial idea.
Bottom line: When you stopped attempting to improve your marriage, that's when it was destroyed.
The truth is that your marriage will require effort. Your marriage won't succeed unless you both put in a lot of effort. There is never an option to coast. To put the other person first, you both need to be involved and motivated! If both partners are actively working to prioritize their relationship, I have never witnessed a marriage fail! It'll function every time!
Take a look at this verse, I think it's super helpful.
Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10
I believe that if we followed this verse, there would be fewer divorces and way more anniversary celebrations.
Commit to make your marriage a success. You won't regret it.
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